It's apparent on TV, and in print, and really, super, glaringly obvious on Twitter. Seriously guys, people on there are so fucking mean... but it's funny. So it's okay, then. I guess.
At least, it's supposed to be.
Why do I try to be funny? Two reasons, mostly. One, to get people to like me. Two, to distract them from areas in which I am lacking.
I don't know that I set out to be this way. In fifth grade, I was in this thing called OM. I've mentioned OM before, and I will not rehash the specifics now, because it's super weird... meanwhile it should be said that I loved every, single moment. Um, anyway... we had a little skit that we performed in front of the school, and then after the skit we spoke to the audience and tried to get them to give us money. Looking back, I don't know that it was the best decision. 98% of our audience was children, K-5, also known as- kind of poor... but this glaring miscalculation didn't set us back too far. We made it to Florida. And lost.
During the makeshift telethon, we had a strict script to follow, and my line was, "We're going to Florida, and we need a lot of money." As soon as I said it, everyone laughed. It caught me off guard, as I was serious... we needed a shit ton of money to get our asses to Florida so that we could compete for the balsa wood structure championship/meet Chip and Dale. But there they were, laughing, and not handing over a single dime.
As we exited the stage, I pulled Bonnie aside. "Why did they laugh at me?" I asked.
"I don't know," she shrugged, "just how you said it. It was funny."
One of my favorite movies is Singing in the Rain. In it, is a rendition of the song, Make 'Em Laugh. It's not an ambiguous title, it's a song about making people laugh. I fully appreciate the value of the message in this song. Yes, let's make them laugh, because laughing is awesome. I figured that out in fifth grade (slow learner), and have been working hard to exploit it ever since.
I say the most random shit. My mind correlates in ways that are spectacular and scary all at the same time. I treat life like a multi-camera sitcom stage and I'm always waiting for the canned laughter from the audience. I've even gotten pretty good at keeping a straight face when I think I've just made the WITTIEST COMMENT OF ALL TIME.
But sometimes I'm not funny. Sometimes I go too far, or get repetitive, and a lot of time I'm just ridiculously lame. Though, lately, I'm just mean. I hide bitchiness and contempt under the guise of humor. And it's not funny anymore. I know it, everyone knows it, and... I'm so sick of it.
In truth, for me, it's been a tough few months. The minutes and days are wearing on me a bit more than I'd like to admit. Ergo, I miss my friends. They're a fantastic distraction.
All growing up... well, wait. I didn't really have friends other than relatives until I was 8. So, from third grade on, I've relied on my friends when I'm feeling kind of down. I was that girl who took too many damn pictures through out high school, and who looks at them from time to time, thinking "ah, man, we really did have fun, didn't we?" We did, indeed.
I like to think I have lots of friends. Hundreds (okay, not hundreds. I don't even have 100 Facebook friends...). But I have like, ten, at least. Ten really good ones. They know who they are- one's already been mentioned in this here blog entry. My friends... oh, they're so much better than yours. I'm sorry. It's the truth. I may be biased, but, hell, this is my blog I can say whatever I want. And if you're reading it you probably are one of my friends so take it as a compliment. Anyway. I was never one of those to hide my feelings about them. I had obsessive qualities, I'm sure, but I was very rarely creepy. I reserve creepy creepy for complete strangers. I'd write them notes (my friends, not the strangers) and tack them to the bulletin boards in their room. I'd scrawl full page declarations in their yearbooks and on their MySpace pages... my written effigy(s), if you will- in case I were to be hit by a wayward bus before I saw them again. I never wanted my friends to doubt for one second that they were so important to my existence.
After every school year, we'd tell each other, "Oh, well, hope to see you around this summer." And then we'd frequent each other's houses everyday. After high school, once we ventured out of Kennewick to different places... in Washington (no one wanted to fly too far from the nest, I guess), we said, "Oh, well, have fun guys, see you winter break, or spring break maybe. If not, summer vacation, for sure." And then we'd reunite in Pullman or flit off to Gonzaga or UW or LCSC or EWU and have the best fucking Friday nights ever. Though I do recall a few rough Saturday mornings. After graduation, Jevon said to me, "See you at home, Booze." I said something to the effect of, "What if we lose touch when you go to Reno?" to which he replied, "Well I haven't gotten rid of you by now, so I don't know that I ever will."
I'm not sure if it's normal to have the (essentially) same group of friends since 7th grade. A lot of times I think we've stayed together so long because we know too many of each others secrets, and breaking in new, accepting people is time-consuming and a sometimes fruitless venture. I've tried making new friends, but unless they're an off-shoot of someone I already know, I quickly find ways to pick them apart. This is just me, though. My friends have made plenty of other friends, and this has worked out magnificently. I just sit back, relax, and my friends gather like-minded folk for my entertainment and general merriment.
Ah, I miss you guys.
I guess, mostly, I just want to say that even if I don't text you back, or if I miss your call... I love you. You're the ones that I can be away from for months and years because you're in Korea, or working in Seattle, or going to school in Louisville, or being all married and shit in Denver and Pullman, or drinking obnoxious amounts in DFW, or tanning in AZ, or spearing sea creatures in Hawaii... but when I see you again it's like nothing ever changed. (Maci would like me to give a shout out to my homies in the Tri. WHAT UP.)
I just wanted to be sincere, for once, in saying that there are a handful of people who have made me who I am, and to them I'd like to say thank you. And again, I love you.
Naturally, I made a little video, because I miss you guys and because that's what I fucking do. Make videos with pictures and songs and shit... and also because I'm in the middle of writing this chapter that I can't figure my way out of. So procrastination. It's kind of my thing.
And I bet Kaylee will be the only one who'll watch it. And she'll cry while she does, because, it's Kaylee. And we love her for that.
And, I should forewarn... It's super lame. As most slide shows are. So watch at your own risk.
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